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25 Feb

When did resumes start to matter in Presidental Elections?

Written by Doug Warren

Monday, 25 February 2008

Money Ever since Illinois Senator Barack Obama began to pick up steam in this year's manufactured, over-hyped, mass-marketed, political homecoming parade (otherwise known as the presidential primary), folks from all over the place have begun to ask questions about his qualifications to hold our nation's highest office.

But in hearing these questions, I have a few questions of my own.

Question 1: Did I just step into a time warp and end up in 1932, or better yet, 1860?

Everyone knows that qualifications, policy positions and long term plans don't matter anymore in the race for Washington D.C. Homecoming Queen. All a presidential candidate has to do today is:

A. Not be extremely hideous (Sorry Dennis Kucinich)

B. Be able to give a speech with a pulse (Al Gore fell victim to this. Back in 2000 Captain Global Warming looked like a robot with a broomstick stuck up his ass).

C. Stroke the media at every turn (John McCain has this nailed until last week - stay tuned).

D. Not show any type of natural human emotion that could be turned against you by said media or your opponents (Howard Dean in 2004).

Money Franklin Delano Roosevelt (elected in 1932, 1936, 1940 and 1944) was wheelchair bound, had a bi-sexual wife, a thick northeastern accent and looked like Rich Uncle Pennybags (minus the mustache) from the yet to be released boardgame, Monopoly. Likewise, the ole' railsplitter, Abraham Lincoln (elected in 1860 and 1864), was as photogenic as the south end of a northbound mule, had a wife who looked like Bobby Layne in drag and didn't even graduate from a Ivy League University.

Neither one of these outlaws would stand a chance today with the dimwits in the main stream media exposing all of their flaws - all of which have nothing to do with a person's ability to govern the Executive Branch.

Question 2: Did I miss the memo where American voters were told to start studying the resumes of Presidential Candidates?

Haven't we just spent the last eight years living under the rule of a president whose three main accomplishments in life were stuffing his beak full of Bolivian Marching Powder, "serving" in the Alabama Air National Guard and netting a DUI?

Some of the same people I've heard question Obama's credentials say the main reason they are voting for John McCain is because he served five years as a POW in the Hanoi Hilton.

Newsflash: Adolf Hitler survived a poison gas attack on the Western Front during World War I.

Being a POW or surviving a poison gas attack has nothing to do with whether a person will, or will not, make a good leader. But those tidbits sure do add some spice to those personal interest fluff pieces on the television news magazines don't they.

Hillary Clinton has been bashing Obama for most of the last month about his lack of experience. Yet, Mrs. Clinton thought so much of herself as First Lady that she looked the other way while her husband used an intern as a cigar humidor and used the same intern's blue dress for target practice.

Where's the voting booth? I can't wait to cast my ballot!

Barack Obama is a speech-giving machine. He is physically fit, good looking, has a strong voice, can read a teleprompter without help and is clearly comfortable in front of large audiences.

What the hell else does a President of the United States need today?

Nothing. Which is precisely the problem. We the People have allowed this to happen and it will be up to us to fix it.

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